Flying Doesn’t Have to Be Frustrating

For the past two years, I started doing more flying than ever before in my life. Because of this, I learned airport and airplane etiquette really well, or so I like to think. If you haven’t flown before, or haven’t had a pleasant experience flying, here’s some of the things I’ve learned that have helped me stress less:

  • Keep to yourself:
    • I don’t know why, but almost no one in American airports wants to talk. This is actually fine by me because I’m very shy, but it’s bizarre to me that people in a place with so much movement and stories want nothing to do with each other.
  • Be as tidy as possible:
    • People get so frustrated if you don’t have all your crap in order. Every time I pack I’m reminded of the brilliant scene in Up in the Air, featuring George Clooney and Anna Kendrick; an expert flyer who has everything organized to perfection, and a new flyer who stumbles with her luggage. Another brilliant scene in the film (Clooney packing and maneuvering through the airport): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gj_5Pgy-eVQ
  • If you’re traveling with a child, everyone automatically dislikes you:
    • This sounds awful, I know. Kids are great, but due to levels of tolerance already being way below where they should be, no one has any patience for children running/speaking/existing in airports. Don’t worry, your kids are still adorable, but please, for all our sake’s try to make sure they behave.
  • Don’t argue:
    • You can’t argue with any employees at the airport. Not TSA, not flight attendants, not the Jamba Juice employees, no one. Because no matter how many times you try to convince the guy that you’ve “used this same bag as a carry-on bag with this same airline before,” he’ll tell you to check it.

These are the things that come to mind immediately, though I’m sure there’s tons more to be said about airports. If you have any experiences you’re willing to share, or some more flying wisdom to put forth, please leave a comment below 🙂

20160727_182910
My favorite part about flying! 

 

Advertisements

Exercise, We Meet Again

I went on a bike ride because I forgot that requires a decent amount of leg muscle, which I don’t have. I gave up after five minutes and sat down to have a snack, which was pretty cool.

Also, a couple of people that passed by gave me “What the heck are you doing?” looks. To those people I say, “go eat popcorn in an empty parking lot sometime. It’s peaceful.”

Snapchat-4098304029009983556

What is A Morning Person and How Do I Become One?

I do not like being up early. I will never, ever understand the people who run in the morning, the people who get homework done in the morning, the people who fix cars in the morning, the people who go rock climbing in the morning, the people who fly a rocket in the morning. You get the point. I don’t get how people function so early at such high levels.

Like, I’ll get up, sure. I’ll do what I need to do. But I won’t like it.

This morning, my phone was going off at 10 am (I know, I know, that’s not even early at all) as my family tried to get a hold of me to do things and answer questions.

And I swear I’ve never been so confused in my life.

20160517_172903
My general state of existence: exhaustion

I answered my mom in my best “I totally did NOT just wake up 2 seconds ago voice,” but before I could get anything in more than a hello, she’s asking for chips and balloons.

A simple request, to be sure. But you see, she was not speaking to Ari. Ari was nowhere near a state of waken-ness, so she was speaking to Ari Queen of Candyland, who was still halfway in dreamland.

So rather than asking, “What type of chips?” as I meant to, I said, “What… are chips?”

Kudos to mom, by the way, who simply replied “BBQ chips.”

She gets me. She really gets me.

 

Eating in a Car is Normal, Please Don’t Look at Me Like That

The other day I picked up some fast food on my way home from work and because I’d deprived myself of food too much that day, I did what all good civilians do; I ate more than half of the fries before I arrived home.

By the time I parked and peeked in the bag, I noticed at least 70% of the golden marvels (a.k.a. my fries) were gone.

Again, I thought about what any sane and entirely well-adjusted person would do. I decided to turn up the tunes, sit back, and lay out the rest of my meal to finish it before going inside, in the comfort of my spacious two-door Honda Accord. It was a beautiful scene, really.

Except while I was eating, at least three, not just one Curious Carl, but THREE passersby glanced in my direction. I could see the look of judgment. The questioning “Why the hell wouldn’t you just go inside, you’re literally ten feet from your front door” look was all too apparent on their faces.

But here’s the thing, friends. I have a little Chihuahua (see previous posts where I talk about how obsessed I am with my dog), and he’s not… let’s say… the most well-behaved. What I’m saying is, he still thinks it’s okay to bark at you if you have food you’re not sharing with him. That, or he’ll jump and try to get it when you’re not looking; his track record with this isn’t the best due to his minuscule size, but he tries and it’s pretty adorable.20160423_213553

So, this being the case, sometimes you just have to sit in your car and eat your burger and what’s left of your fries, if you want any semblance of peace. And that’s entirely okay.   Own it.

A List of My Qualifications

Hi my name is Ari and I specialize in the following:

  1. Reading a message 20 times and rewording it 10 times before sending it.
  2. Pretending there’s something really interesting behind you if you catch me staring at you.
  3. Suffering in silence when people are walking really slow. instead of saying excuse me and trying to get by.
  4. Laughing. Laughing ALL the time to fill silence while my mind works to find a decent response to whatever you just said.
  5. Making weird faces that match whatever the heck is going on in my head without realizing that there’s people around.

Seriously everyone… this is the kind of person everyone in my life deals with on a daily basis.

Late Night Walks With Rocky

Rocky has recently taken to demanding late night walks. I think it’s because he secretly hates me; or maybe my new weird schedule threw his off too.  Normally, I love to walk the little creature. It’s the only exercise I get, and he enjoys the hell out of his walks.

I’m not gonna lie though, I don’t find much pleasure in having to step into frigid air and darkness when all I really want to do is curl up in my bed and look at memes on my phone.

I made my way to the door when I realized my jackets were allllllll the way upstairs. But there was a blanket on the couch…

My thought process upon seeing the blanket:

“Is it socially acceptable to wrap myself in a blanket to go walk my dog? Probably not.

Am I gonna do it anyways? Yeah.”

20160330_224828

^ Tell me these don’t look cozier than a jacket for a midnight stroll.