Eating in a Car is Normal, Please Don’t Look at Me Like That

The other day I picked up some fast food on my way home from work and because I’d deprived myself of food too much that day, I did what all good civilians do; I ate more than half of the fries before I arrived home.

By the time I parked and peeked in the bag, I noticed at least 70% of the golden marvels (a.k.a. my fries) were gone.

Again, I thought about what any sane and entirely well-adjusted person would do. I decided to turn up the tunes, sit back, and lay out the rest of my meal to finish it before going inside, in the comfort of my spacious two-door Honda Accord. It was a beautiful scene, really.

Except while I was eating, at least three, not just one Curious Carl, but THREE passersby glanced in my direction. I could see the look of judgment. The questioning “Why the hell wouldn’t you just go inside, you’re literally ten feet from your front door” look was all too apparent on their faces.

But here’s the thing, friends. I have a little Chihuahua (see previous posts where I talk about how obsessed I am with my dog), and he’s not… let’s say… the most well-behaved. What I’m saying is, he still thinks it’s okay to bark at you if you have food you’re not sharing with him. That, or he’ll jump and try to get it when you’re not looking; his track record with this isn’t the best due to his minuscule size, but he tries and it’s pretty adorable.20160423_213553

So, this being the case, sometimes you just have to sit in your car and eat your burger and what’s left of your fries, if you want any semblance of peace. And that’s entirely okay. ¬† Own it.

A List of My Qualifications

Hi my name is Ari and I specialize in the following:

  1. Reading a message 20 times and rewording it 10 times before sending it.
  2. Pretending there’s something really interesting behind you if you catch me staring at you.
  3. Suffering in silence when people are walking really slow. instead of saying excuse me and trying to get by.
  4. Laughing. Laughing ALL the time to fill silence while my mind works to find a decent response to whatever you just said.
  5. Making weird faces that match whatever the heck is going on in my head without realizing that there’s people around.

Seriously everyone… this is the kind of person everyone in my life deals with on a daily basis.