“Happy Birthday” Is A Special Form of Torture

Things you can do when people are singing “Happy Birthday” to you:

  • Smile and look at the floor, your hands, everyone in the room, the walls, the cake…
  • Sing along, it’s your day, you can do whatever you want.
  • Begin to walk away slowly until everyone is so confused they stop singing altogether.
  • Cry.
  • Scream.
  • Stare blankly at the person who suggested everyone sing and plot their demise in your head.
  • Find your pet and start playing with them.
  • Sit in the middle of the floor quietly.
  • Leave.
  • Close your eyes, if you can’t see them, they can’t see you.
  • Smile awkwardly. (The option most of us opt for every year).

No, but seriously, I turned 20 a few days ago and had no idea what to do other than stand awkwardly counting down the seconds for everyone to finish singing.


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